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Recognizing broken …

It has been a long journey of self-discovery and IMG_0846dropping all of those perfect ideals.   What I didn’t realize was just how broken I really was.  Life has a funny way of helping us move forward.  But many of us go through life with a mask of hurt, pain, anger or any other word we want to associate our burdens or self-identification.

I did what is expected as being a mom we continue to cook clean and dive into our children’s activities and if that isn’t enough, we go on to organize the booster clubs and stepping into leadership or so I thought.   What I didn’t recognize was that I was losing myself, I forgot to connect to my heart and do what is best for everyone so life could become balanced.   No was never an option, the alarm always alerted me.  It was time to do more.IMG_0802 (2)

Misunderstandings, assumptions, words spoken of regret and mis-interpretations, false expectations appearing real, as parents we dream of what “perfect family” should be but in reality most of us are far from this environment.  It looks good on the outside – but is it really?  Do you speak up for fear of rejection?   When i spoke up judgement was placed.   Or do i accept the small morsels given?   It’s a NO WIN situation.

Some of us dove into a career with head strong urgency,IMG_1501 though I chose motherhood with no regrets.   Striving to do more and be more, applies to both areas.  Long days and weeks away from family or obligations was not a problem since others would be stepping up and taking care of everything.   I am important and needed or so I thought.

Slapping the smile on my face and trudging forward is what I did best.  One day an angel interrupted me and suggested something different.   Deep down I knew I was angry, deep down I know of heartache and pain, deep down I knew I needed something ~ but what?

IMG_1180I tried therapy … same ole same old; tell the woes of unhappiness, reliving those painful defining moments then what, was there a resolve, no!   No next steps, no relief, no sympathy, no solution.  Tried another therapist to help me see the forest through the trees.  Ugh, again the same story telling, nodding and taking notes, but nothing to grab on to that will get me out of my own head.

Children throw themselves into life and speak their mind and you hear adults say “out of the mouths of babes”. As adults we hold back and don’t speak of wrongs against us, we are chaise for having a voice and saying we don’t like, we don’t want to, we don’t agree with the words you spoke to us and continue on.   Little by little our spirit is broken, little by little our heart cries out, little by little we stop trying.   When do you stop the Ferris wheel and make a plea for a different life?

We may be broken and still successful, can be connected and a resource for many, but deep down we know.  Need to get out of our head and the logical side of life and find that inner child that screams for attention.   Find that spark, that free spirit who leaps out of bed no matter the age and dive into life, and live from the heart!

My angel game me the gift of life.  My angel gave me the gift of love.  My angel has no idea how truly grateful I am.  He saved my life.  I am able to drop all of those preconceived ideas of who I need to be, who I am supposed to be and I found ME!   Digging deep didn’t happen overnight but the experience and the transformational opportunity was worth the ride!   I am alive!  I am connected to my heart; I am able to see the forest through the trees.  Let me help you!   Let me come from a place of love and show you just how beautiful you truly are.  Let me be your angel!

I love life ~ I love you and have a gift for you to open ~ it’s your choice!

Long 8

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Bumblebees and Butterflies

Sitting under a canopy of leaves feeling the air surround you.  The eye is drawn to movement off toward the right.  A magnolia tree in bloom with blossoms of white touched with pink.  The bumblebee danced happily from bloom to bloom and upon notice there were hundreds enveloping this tree all on a mission to work diligently and focused on collection of pollen.IMG_7211

A gentle rain produced puddles along the ways and once the clouds retreated glimmers of sun appeared and if on que the butterflies danced on top of these puddles.  Beauty and grace as they moved effortlessly silent in the dance.   It didn’t matter what day of the week these creatures of nature continued on their path.  They had a focus and a purpose.  Can we stay as strong and focused?

We do happy dances on Fridays and look forward to the weekend with glee and enthusiasm – WHY?   We have been conditioned to respond this way.  Would life be different if every day we would move with focus and regardless if it was a Tuesday or Saturday.  Our bodies don’t recognize the difference.   We get fixated on a calendar with IMG_7499 (2)five days being our work schedule and two days being our “days off”, with 9 am til 5 pm being our work hours and 5 pm is Miller time our metabolism has been sabotaged by this thinking.   Our bodies are screaming for help and have gone into shock and dismay.

I can remember when my son was young and found out with great pleasure the light switch.   Flip the switch to turn on the lights, flip the switch again to turn off the lights, and then the game began – on off on off on off …. until I lost it and called uncle!!!  How long would it take before this got on your nerves and with a big smile on his face he did it one last time – you know what I am talking about, right?    This is the same thing we are consistently doing to our bodies – throwing the switch on then off.  Our bodies are designed to have a steady state, a constant and continuous stream of nourishment and with us not staying strong and consistent our bodies cry out for help.  Do we listen?  Do we acknowledge those little pings, knocks, cries for help?   They say HELLO!!!! I need a little help here.  We have turned off that intuitive side.  Do you listen when your stomach grumbles?  Do you know when you are parched and need fluids?  Do you have cravings and recognize exactly what your body is needed?   NO, we stopped listening a long time ago.  The subtle nuances once so ingrained to us as children are now dead to us cause our brain, our controller response knows better!IMG_7219

Our bodies are designed to be grazers.  We are suppose to eat seven days a week.   Our systems require a consistent and steady input of fuel with every 3-4 hours to keep our systems running and our waistlines lean.  We have gotten so far away from this.  Don’t you think its time to regain control like the bumblebee and the butterfly.  No matter what they are diligent and focused.  No matter what day of the week they don’t stop because its the weekend.  Food is fuel and our bodies deserve it!

Let me help you find your new routine ~ get healthy and focused!

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Pine cone

The ground was wet from the morning dew and I chose to venture out with bare feet to feel and connect to the earth on a short walk.   Listening to the morning as the birds chirped and the trees rustled in the breeze and just how beautiful and vibrant the colors surrounded me as I ventured forward.   I found pine cone laying in and around the leaves, wet on top nestled into a bed of thatch, twigs sticking out, grass caught in the folds of the cone.   Grey on the bottom and a muddy black color on top still covered with the morning dew.IMG_7303.JPG

Resembling the length and width of a banana and the end stump where it was attached to the tree was still remained.    The wood feeds my soul, keeps me grounded and feeds my fire.  The nature raw and real speaks to me, I am calmed and comforted by being in and surrounds by nature.    A definitive line of wet and dampness appears on the pine cone, like day and night.  It way laying there to be touched long forgotten by the tree discarded like many.   We need to pick the small non-descript items like people – pick them up acknowledge them and their beauty and embrace their qualities.   We walk by people daily and they too have sometimes been long forgotten, they too were once a part of the bigger picture.   We need to recognize those that we have not noticed.  Slow down our pace, stop to notice and embrace these long forgotten.  Empower and love them for their uniqueness and special qualities forgotten.

IMG_7324.JPGAnd with everything we do in life it’s time to change the perspective from an inanimate object = how differently would it read if instead if the pine cone itself represented me or you?   We are one individual that we put out to the world and sometimes a completely different individual who we keep sacred.   Is this how we want to live?   Life gets hard when we try to put on the face to the world when there are so many areas of our life that we hide or shy away from.   Wouldn’t it be amazing if we were one whole individual.   Like people, everyone needs to feel loved, valued and needed.   Everyone needs to be acknowledge and embraced for the beauty and unique qualities.   How many people do you walk by on a daily basis and don’t even make eye contact or smile?   How many people have you not spoken to because their feathers got ruffled and false judgments were made?  Now, you don’t know how and where to start those conversations – it begins with a simple hello!    Sometimes it’s not about you, sometimes it’s the judgements or impressions or thoughts that keep them holding back.

Think about changing the way we walk through our day, what if today we chose to SMILE and make eye contact with everyone, go out of our way to make a difference.  How would you feel?  How would the people you touch feel – it’s the ripple effect.  Throw that pebble into the pond and watch what happens.    When we stop and touch, with permission of course a simple hand on another hand or shoulder, life opens to the possibilities, we don’t have to be so hard, we don’t have to be so defensive and reactive.   It’s about time we change our perspective and soften our edges, life doesn’t have to be this way.    I have found a new way of being, a new way to interact, a new perspective ~ there are infinite possibilities when we get out of our own way and stop being so angry!     Step into your true authentic self and watch the beautiful butterfly emerge.

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Surrender

Today after quiet reflection I am relaxed and peaceful.  Not normally a statement that I hold true, a two hour hike turned into an adventure on the white trail; a random picnic table into comfortable conversation as opposed to coffee shop chatter.    I stepped into the day with my normal checklist of to do items with a hike being 2nd or 3rd on my list. I found stories of engagement as the world slowly faded away.  20170701_141018The cars, traffic, cell phone all distractions and notice of everyday life stresses disappeared.  I am such a time nazi and a control freak I always need to know how long and by when, my days are planned and structured.  Today was different!  Feeling the wind through the rustle of trees, hearing dogs barking off in the distance, fellow hikers engaged in lively conversation as they passed.  The clouds disappeared, turning to clear blue skies.  My soul came alive in nature. I found a peace and calm not my normal.  I have not found this sense of freedom and relaxation as today.   The need for food didn’t cross my mind, water readily available.  Hours passed like minutes, silence was golden and a calm surrender enveloped me as I ventured forward.  Passing a unique tree once struck by lightening lay high across the trail creating a tunnel was where I heard the tussle of water in the distance.  With hesitation and a slight deviation from the designated path in search of the water a new unmarked path was found.  The need for urgency and completion to find the end of the trail disappeared and freedom was found as exploration and embracing the moment took over!

 

20170701_142232.jpgIf I had continued on the white trail …

If I had not stopped for rest and conversation …

If I had are conversations I have had on a daily basis and today I let go and surrendered into the moment … my soul is grateful.  It feels lighter and refreshed.

And today what surprised me, my guard dropped, my inner child came to play, my control freak took the day off.  I became embraced with nature and followed this beautiful creek, explored the rocks and climbed across a fallen tree, sat and was able to BE one with self.   How many days do I forget to embrace the moment.  My tank is full.  Miles were walked, hours turned into a day of surrender.   It’s OK to let go.  I learned a lot about myself and how truly powerful self care is when you embrace every moment.

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